"Be Thankful You're A Misfit" - The Story of My Sexuality

As the days get closer to Glasgow Pride, I find myself reflecting on my own sexuality and how much life has changed for me in the past few years. To make a long story short, my personal experience with being gay is not exciting, or tragic, or painful. From personal memory, I realised I was gay over a period of time and there was no one moment where I had a gay epiphany and Lady Gaga came down on a rainbow unicorn to throw glitter over me (although that would be awesome). But I suppose my story is still important to tell because it is important for younger LGBT people to understand that being LGBT does not have to be a big or dramatic realisation. Life for an LGBT person does not have to be a struggle and you are not always going to be persecuted for it.

I became more comfortable with being gay as I grew older, but there was a period of time when I thought I would grow up, have a wife and kids and live in a perfect white picket fenced house in a nice neighbourhood. That was most likely because that was society's expectation or it was just the only life I thought was possible for me (although now I think about it, I probably just watched too much "Desperate Housewives"). I guess the feminine traits of being gay have always been present in my life (although falling into stereotypes can be dangerous but if the shoe fits... which it very much did). I was interested in musical theatre, I liked playing house, I wouldn't say no to a Barbie, I loved musicals (films and stage). As I grew older I liked rom-coms and "female targeted" TV shows such as "Ugly Betty" "Glee", and the previously mentioned "Desperate Housewives". And all this while (up until about aged 12/13) the thought of being gay did not really cross my mind, but I guess that is because sexuality labels didn't matter to me because I was a child and my identity was something I would find for myself.

Around that age, Lady Gaga came into the pop music scene and subsequently became a gay icon for her music, outfits, and views on the LGBT community. I have to admit that I was not a Gaga fan from the beginning, I only really started properly listening to her music in between The Fame Monster and Born This Way, then became a super fan around the time that Born This Way was released (I remember listening to Fashion of his Love for the first time on Farmville because she did some album promotion through the game). I don't know what attracted me to her music, maybe it was her outlandish behaviour but I think I just simply found her music catchy and thought she was a really good singer. It was probably a good time to become her fan because the Born This Way was all about self-acceptance as well as accepting others - with a strong interest in the LGBT community. I believe Gaga's music and messages sort of normalised being gay for me and made me proud to be who I am. I was also lucky enough to have an open-minded childhood and so being anything other than straight was not that big of an issue for me. 

I would say that the transition for me from expecting to have a wife to understanding what "gay" is was fairly smooth, and I don't really recall any feelings of being a freak despite knowing that I was different from most of the people I knew. Obviously, it would be very biased of me to ignore the fact that there were some hard times when I was an early teen but what teenager doesn't have problems? Of course there were days that were harder than others because growing up is difficult and there is a period of readjustment where everyone is uncomfortable because we are all trying to figure out where we fit in within ourselves and society - but it is perfectly normal. Maybe I was just very lucky to not have a difficult time understanding my sexuality, but I think it could just be a reflection of the ever-growing and accepting society I have grown up in.

My friends were the first people I came out to when I was around 16 years old. They were all accepting and I faced no problems. It wasn't until my final year of school though (when I was 17) that I began to fully accept my homosexuality. Due to a little too much Vodka and it being Lady Gaga's birthday (I was very excited) I outed myself to a group of people who I didn't really talk to in school. As it was the last few months of school, I wasn't too bothered, everyone was preparing for Uni, college, or work life and I just stopped caring who knew about me being gay. My sexuality wasn't anyone's top concern and I didn't receive any negativity from anyone in my year. It was around this time that I dipped my toe into the world of guys and dating and, like anyone's first crush, it didn't go too smoothly. But it was a learning curve, the gay community works differently from the straight one and it would take some more adjusting as I would have to experience (often bad) things for myself in order to grow.

Moving to Glasgow for University was probably the ultimate growing point for me as it was the first time I was free to do what I wanted, see who I wanted, and go where I wanted to go. The problem with school (which I now only understand in retrospect) was that everything is magnified because it is such a small place. You literally go to the same building 5 days a week for 6 years with the same 200 people in your year. Everyone tends to know everything to an extent, friend groups are formed and within those friend groups dramas are 1,000,000 times more dramatic than they should be because school life is all a teenager has and if someone doesn't fit in then they are quickly outcast.

In moving to Glasgow I found a new sense of independence, identity, and freedom. I could walk down University Avenue every day for the year and never see the same person twice. The community is so much wider and you aren't confined to just making friends with people who are in the same class as you. It is easy to find likeminded people because the world outside school is a much more social place. And if you choose to be someone with a small group of friends then that is also okay, and nobody will bat an eyelid. Independent life is not about worrying so much about what that group of people will think about you because everyone is just trying to figure out how to do life themselves. Of course there are still issues with confidence and self-esteem at any age but I believe that outside of school it is all less magnified and dramatic because you are not forced to see the same people every day.

I didn't officially tell my parents I was gay until 2nd year of University but not because I was scared for them to find out. I already knew that they had an idea so it was pointless for me to tell them what they already knew. In my mind, sexuality is not a taboo subject that needs to be announced in order to be confirmed. People don't announce their heterosexuality so why should I announce my homosexuality? I decided to tell them when I entered a serious relationship as I knew that being in a relationship is more of a big deal than being homosexual. It was more the relationship that was the announcement, the gay thing was just a side fact.

As I come to entering my third year in Glasgow, I can reflect on how far I have come since moving out of home. I have changed, but I believe it is for the better. When I was new to Glasgow, I was still pretty naive about the gay community and how dating worked in it. The gay scene in Glasgow is very visible, and it is a very gay friendly city so I had no issue settling in. I am glad I came to Glasgow as I have further understood my sexuality and, through experience and making mistakes, have learnt how to deal with certain situations or people. I look back on the younger me and cringe at how I thought certain things seemed important when, in reality, they were very small issues. But, again, it is all about learning, and everyone must go through their own personal journey of learning in order to figure out who they are as a person and understand where they fit in within society.

My sexuality is something I am happy with, and I look forward to experiencing my first Pride this weekend as I will be exposed to a wider LGBT community and get to see lots of people from lots of different backgrounds. I have definitely grown mentally since moving to Glasgow and have become a stronger, more intelligent person due to my personal experience. I can confidently say that I am thankful for who I am as a person. I am proud of my progress in life so far and look forward to what life has for me.

Life is not as forgiving for every LGBT person and it is still a big issue in many countries all over the world. My story is just one of billions and everyone has their own unique journey to follow. We need to be proud of who we are and eradicate homophobia in order to progress as humans. Stories like mines show how being gay is not always a massive struggle, but for many LGBT people it is a daily struggle. The world has made progressive steps towards a more accepting society but we still have a long way to go.

Life is a learning game, we just have to play it as best as we can. All we can do is be ourselves, do our best to make our own lives happy, and make it the best it can be. If you don't fit in with the 'norm' then show off your uniqueness and be proud of who you are. And to finish with a Michelle Visage quote - "Be thankful you're a misfit"