Out of the Closet
Note from Liam: an edited version of this post has been included on The Glasgow Guardian's (University of Glasgow student newspaper) website as part of their LGBT History Month 2018 coverage. You can see that post here.
The phrase "coming out of the closet" is a metaphor largely associated with someone disclosing their sexuality to someone else. I am not a huge advocate for "coming out" and making a big deal about not being straight. For me, sexuality is another part of your individuality and identity which does not require validation from others. However, because we live in a heteronormative society, which likes to put labels on things and have out-of-the-norm things overtly expressed, then "coming out" has become something which most LGBT people will experience at some point in their life.
Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, a German gay rights activist, introduced the idea of coming out in 1869 as a means of emancipation. In a time where the LGBT community was invisible, coming out was seen as essential to ensure visibility for the community and give LGBT people a voice. However, fast forward to 2017 and the LGBT community is not invisible anymore - well at least not completely. That being said, although there is a stronger LGBT community in many parts of the world, it is a community that is still discriminated against and often ignored in many cultures. Perhaps then, coming out as a means of emancipation and to raise visibility of the LGBT community is a positive thing and should be encouraged. In places where being LGBT is not frowned upon and LGBT people are viewed equally, though, is coming out still essential? There is probably no clear answer to this but by looking at the roots of coming out, it is understandable as to why it may have been essential in the past.
I am often consumed with thoughts and questions surrounding this topic. Perhaps because I am not straight and being part of the LGBT community is something I am very comfortable with then coming out has never been something I felt the need to do. I was often told that I should tell my parents I am gay and that they have a duty to know because they are my parents but I do not ever recall any of my straight friends sitting down with their parents to tell them "I'm straight", so why must I verbally disclose my sexuality because I am not straight? Is it simply because you are assumed straight until otherwise stated? Is it to ensure your parents, friends, or family are not shocked when they see you happy and in a relationship with someone of the same gender?
Heterosexuals behave as they do and everyone is okay with it, so why do LGBT people need to disclose their sexuality before they can do what they want? Why does a deviation from the norm require validation and why are people putting pressure on others to come out? If a person is comfortable living their life as they are then leave them to it. If people have a problem with it then that is their own issue, we can only try to promote equality and fairness for all.
Nobody should need to validate their sexuality and vocally label themselves so that society feels comfortable with them. Our duties and responsibilities do not lie in us disclosing our sexuality to certain people before we reach a certain age. Our duty should be to ensure we are happy and living an honest and comfortable life. Put yourself first before worrying about what other people think of you. Sexuality is not black and white - it needs to be explored and may take time to fully understand, especially in a society where being LGBT (although largely accepted) is not a very visible, particularly in education. If you want to tell others your sexuality then it is okay to do it when you are ready; there should be no pressure to do it at a certain time.
People say you will come out all throughout your life which is true to an extent. I suppose if someone were to ask "do you have a girlfriend?" (though why someone would ask me that, I have no idea) then I would have to tell them "no I have a boyfriend" then that could be seen as a form of coming out. Although, if I was straight but did not have a girlfriend and instead replied with "no, I am single" then would this be me coming out as single? Again, it is a tricky one. Yes I will have to tell people that I am gay throughout life and perhaps sexuality should not be something that is an issue or that people feel the need to divulge, however, is it any different to telling someone anything else about your personal life?
Coming out is not something that I think is totally necessary but is potentially positive when done for visibility reasons. Without people coming out publicly (e.g. through YouTube videos or celebrities) then the young LGBT generation may not understand their sexuality until later on in life. By making the LGBT community visible, coming out can be seen as emancipating, but it should not be something that a person feel obligated to do - it must be a personal decision. Perhaps my privilege of being born into a very accepting society has made "coming out" not too big of an issue for me but, for other people, I can imagine it is not as easy and the idea of coming out is terrifying. To those people I give this advice:
Embrace yourself and love yourself. You only have one life, live it honestly and happily. Never feel ashamed for who you are; be proud to be part of a wonderful community full of love. Do not be scared to seek advice and remember that you are loved. Do not live a life of regrets and missed opportunities; take advantage of the time on Earth we have. Leave your individual mark on the world and try to make the world a better place for those who will come after you. Only do things when you are personally ready and do not live your live ruled by another person's expectations.
The phrase "coming out of the closet" is a metaphor largely associated with someone disclosing their sexuality to someone else. I am not a huge advocate for "coming out" and making a big deal about not being straight. For me, sexuality is another part of your individuality and identity which does not require validation from others. However, because we live in a heteronormative society, which likes to put labels on things and have out-of-the-norm things overtly expressed, then "coming out" has become something which most LGBT people will experience at some point in their life.
Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, a German gay rights activist, introduced the idea of coming out in 1869 as a means of emancipation. In a time where the LGBT community was invisible, coming out was seen as essential to ensure visibility for the community and give LGBT people a voice. However, fast forward to 2017 and the LGBT community is not invisible anymore - well at least not completely. That being said, although there is a stronger LGBT community in many parts of the world, it is a community that is still discriminated against and often ignored in many cultures. Perhaps then, coming out as a means of emancipation and to raise visibility of the LGBT community is a positive thing and should be encouraged. In places where being LGBT is not frowned upon and LGBT people are viewed equally, though, is coming out still essential? There is probably no clear answer to this but by looking at the roots of coming out, it is understandable as to why it may have been essential in the past.
I am often consumed with thoughts and questions surrounding this topic. Perhaps because I am not straight and being part of the LGBT community is something I am very comfortable with then coming out has never been something I felt the need to do. I was often told that I should tell my parents I am gay and that they have a duty to know because they are my parents but I do not ever recall any of my straight friends sitting down with their parents to tell them "I'm straight", so why must I verbally disclose my sexuality because I am not straight? Is it simply because you are assumed straight until otherwise stated? Is it to ensure your parents, friends, or family are not shocked when they see you happy and in a relationship with someone of the same gender?
Heterosexuals behave as they do and everyone is okay with it, so why do LGBT people need to disclose their sexuality before they can do what they want? Why does a deviation from the norm require validation and why are people putting pressure on others to come out? If a person is comfortable living their life as they are then leave them to it. If people have a problem with it then that is their own issue, we can only try to promote equality and fairness for all.
Nobody should need to validate their sexuality and vocally label themselves so that society feels comfortable with them. Our duties and responsibilities do not lie in us disclosing our sexuality to certain people before we reach a certain age. Our duty should be to ensure we are happy and living an honest and comfortable life. Put yourself first before worrying about what other people think of you. Sexuality is not black and white - it needs to be explored and may take time to fully understand, especially in a society where being LGBT (although largely accepted) is not a very visible, particularly in education. If you want to tell others your sexuality then it is okay to do it when you are ready; there should be no pressure to do it at a certain time.
People say you will come out all throughout your life which is true to an extent. I suppose if someone were to ask "do you have a girlfriend?" (though why someone would ask me that, I have no idea) then I would have to tell them "no I have a boyfriend" then that could be seen as a form of coming out. Although, if I was straight but did not have a girlfriend and instead replied with "no, I am single" then would this be me coming out as single? Again, it is a tricky one. Yes I will have to tell people that I am gay throughout life and perhaps sexuality should not be something that is an issue or that people feel the need to divulge, however, is it any different to telling someone anything else about your personal life?
Coming out is not something that I think is totally necessary but is potentially positive when done for visibility reasons. Without people coming out publicly (e.g. through YouTube videos or celebrities) then the young LGBT generation may not understand their sexuality until later on in life. By making the LGBT community visible, coming out can be seen as emancipating, but it should not be something that a person feel obligated to do - it must be a personal decision. Perhaps my privilege of being born into a very accepting society has made "coming out" not too big of an issue for me but, for other people, I can imagine it is not as easy and the idea of coming out is terrifying. To those people I give this advice:
Embrace yourself and love yourself. You only have one life, live it honestly and happily. Never feel ashamed for who you are; be proud to be part of a wonderful community full of love. Do not be scared to seek advice and remember that you are loved. Do not live a life of regrets and missed opportunities; take advantage of the time on Earth we have. Leave your individual mark on the world and try to make the world a better place for those who will come after you. Only do things when you are personally ready and do not live your live ruled by another person's expectations.
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