Why I love to write but hate talking about it


Writing is something I have always enjoyed and, in recent years since starting this blog, it has become an outlet for me to express how I am feeling. In my final years of high school, for assignments, I began writing about issues which were very close to me - in particular, as I grew more comfortable with my sexuality, I used my writing to understand what I was going through and how I came to understand my sexual orientation. I started this blog to provide a public space for me to comment on my life's experiences and what I was making of the world around me. As my blog has grown, writing has become more important to me and has been an essential part of my life as I progress into adulthood.

My writings come from a place deep inside and are cathartic in nature - they allow me to expel my (potentially corrosive) thoughts and emotions in a healthy and safe way. Writing allows me to connect and engage with what is happening inside my head, giving me a space to analyse and understand my mind. As you may notice, looking at my blog, my writings vary greatly depending on how I am feeling, what I am personally experiencing, and what is happening in the world. I tend to only write when I need to, such as when there is a strong feeling or emotion that needs released. By publishing my mind, I am exposing my most vulnerable self for the world to see - the ultimate cathartic experience. In a way, by releasing my writings online, it allows me to send my thoughts and worries away, whilst sharing my experiences with others in the hope that other people may relate to and be experiencing the same things as myself.

Strangely, however, I do not like to discuss my writings in person and I think it is because of the amount of thought and emotion that goes into each post, as well as the cathartic release that comes from pressing the "Publish" button. Discussing a post with someone in person requires me to go back to that place or state of deep emotion and recalling my public writing back into a personal space is something I am not yet prepared to do. Once a blog post is published, I no longer have to worry about it.

As of the present moment, once my writings are released to the world, then I want to let the writing speak for itself without interjection from myself. I want people to connect with what I write on their own personal level. My comments would take meaning away from the personal moment and time that I spent writing. I try not to go back and edit my posts for the same reasons - I was feeling a certain way at a certain point in time and I do not want to take away from that.

Of course I am happy to hear when people enjoy my writing, or even if people have constructive criticism to improve my writing style. But I still feel awkward discussing the fine details of what goes into each blog post. Perhaps this is something that will change in the future as I become more attuned to my feelings and with my writing, however.

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